DECISION MAKING
- By James Baugh
- Published 10/24/2008
Most Decisions Have a Downside
When we are symbolically living in a rain forest and hating rain, we must decide whether to move or to stay for other reasons. We may have something desirable there and not be interested in a move. The worst choice of all is a decision to stay, but to get angry with each rain shower. If we stay, we need to accept the rain and no longer get angry. I’m not suggesting putting a lid on the feelings or denying them. Feeling the loss and grieving is the remedy.
I have all the information that I need or can get, but I hesitate to decide because:
I don’t want to give anything up-I want it all! Making a choice means giving up one path to pursue another.
It’s too quick. I haven’t struggled enough yet. To struggle means I care.
I am waiting for others or fate to make my decision.
I am afraid others will be hurt by my decision.
I know that my “want to” is poor judgment, but I won’t give it up.
I believe that there is only one right decision. I must find the key before I decide.
I have trouble with beginnings in life (or with endings or both).
I don’t give myself permission to make independent decisions.
I don’t want to grow up, and decision-making is grown up business.
All of the above blocks are unrealistic. Your task is to overcome any blocks that fit you.
An important decision is to assess the benefits of staying in the situation (or leaving) with the risks of staying (or leaving). This process involves more than listing the pros and cons and deciding to go with the longest list. The items must be weighted in terms of facts, but also emotional needs.
When we are symbolically living in a rain forest and hating rain, we must decide whether to move or to stay for other reasons. We may have something desirable there and not be interested in a move. The worst choice of all is a decision to stay, but to get angry with each rain shower. If we stay, we need to accept the rain and no longer get angry. I’m not suggesting putting a lid on the feelings or denying them. Feeling the loss and grieving is the remedy.
I have all the information that I need or can get, but I hesitate to decide because:
I don’t want to give anything up-I want it all! Making a choice means giving up one path to pursue another.
It’s too quick. I haven’t struggled enough yet. To struggle means I care.
I am waiting for others or fate to make my decision.
I am afraid others will be hurt by my decision.
I know that my “want to” is poor judgment, but I won’t give it up.
I believe that there is only one right decision. I must find the key before I decide.
I have trouble with beginnings in life (or with endings or both).
I don’t give myself permission to make independent decisions.
I don’t want to grow up, and decision-making is grown up business.
All of the above blocks are unrealistic. Your task is to overcome any blocks that fit you.
An important decision is to assess the benefits of staying in the situation (or leaving) with the risks of staying (or leaving). This process involves more than listing the pros and cons and deciding to go with the longest list. The items must be weighted in terms of facts, but also emotional needs.
- What is important is the courage to make decisions, the ability to learn from the decision, and the capacity to care for ourselves when stressed by the decision.
- Be sure and “own” all the decisions that are made, instead of blaming others or circumstances as “forcing us” to decide. When we do this, we are less likely to feel a victim or behave as a victim.
Question to Ask Yourself
1. Will this decision and the actions following: increase my self-respect, decrease my self respect, or leave it unchanged?
2. What do I hope to accomplish with this decision and what is the probability of success.
3. What are the potential risk and the probability of each action.
