THE BETTER OF TWO BAD SON'S
- By James Baugh
- Published 10/26/2008
Matthew 21: 28-32
Jesus said: “What do you think? A man had two children. He went to the first and said, ’Child, go and work in my vineyard today.’ He answered, ‘I will not.’ But afterward he changed his mind and went. He went to the second son and spoke to him in the same way. He answered, ‘Certainly, sir.’ And he did not go. Which of these two did the will of his father?”“The first, they answered. Jesus said to them: “This is the truth I tell you—the tax-collectors and harlots go into the Kingdom of Heaven before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe in him; but the tax-gatherers and harlots did believe him. And when you saw this, you did not even then change your minds, and so come to believe in him.”
Jesus was speaking to the Jewish leaders who said they would obey God and then did not. The tax-gatherers and the harlots said they would do it their way and then obeyed God’s way.
Psychological Insight
The psychological equivalent to the “bad son” is passive-aggressive behaviors. When we feel powerless, overcome by authority, or in danger of disrupting fragile relationships, we may choose to behave in passive-aggressive ways. We may appear to go along with, evade, or procrastinate. We may seem concerned but do nothing. In congress, when constituents complain, our leaders may form a committee to study the problem, publish a report and take no action.
I talked to an alcoholic after he graduated from a treatment program. He got drunk on the flight home. This was his second time in treatment. He told me that the first time he learned what was expected and the second time he complied by role-playing a good patient in order to get to his next drink.
Passive-aggressive maneuvers are hard to cope with because the true motive is hidden until a later time. The history of the person you are dealing with is your best predictor.
There are many passive-aggressive behaviors and some are more easily discernable. These are actions to resist authority or make others uncomfortable in ways that the passive-aggressive cannot be held accountable.
Sarcasm; Pouting; Wasting someone’s time; Procrastination or inefficiency; Show concern but do nothing to help; Beat up your spouse with a credit card or any excessive spending; Find fault, innuendos, and disguised put-downs; Acting dumb when not, acting confused, refusing to learn; Disgruntled, whine and grumble about unfairness; to name a few.
COUNTERS TO PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS
Jesus said: “What do you think? A man had two children. He went to the first and said, ’Child, go and work in my vineyard today.’ He answered, ‘I will not.’ But afterward he changed his mind and went. He went to the second son and spoke to him in the same way. He answered, ‘Certainly, sir.’ And he did not go. Which of these two did the will of his father?”“The first, they answered. Jesus said to them: “This is the truth I tell you—the tax-collectors and harlots go into the Kingdom of Heaven before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe in him; but the tax-gatherers and harlots did believe him. And when you saw this, you did not even then change your minds, and so come to believe in him.”
Jesus was speaking to the Jewish leaders who said they would obey God and then did not. The tax-gatherers and the harlots said they would do it their way and then obeyed God’s way.
Psychological Insight
The psychological equivalent to the “bad son” is passive-aggressive behaviors. When we feel powerless, overcome by authority, or in danger of disrupting fragile relationships, we may choose to behave in passive-aggressive ways. We may appear to go along with, evade, or procrastinate. We may seem concerned but do nothing. In congress, when constituents complain, our leaders may form a committee to study the problem, publish a report and take no action.
I talked to an alcoholic after he graduated from a treatment program. He got drunk on the flight home. This was his second time in treatment. He told me that the first time he learned what was expected and the second time he complied by role-playing a good patient in order to get to his next drink.
Passive-aggressive maneuvers are hard to cope with because the true motive is hidden until a later time. The history of the person you are dealing with is your best predictor.
There are many passive-aggressive behaviors and some are more easily discernable. These are actions to resist authority or make others uncomfortable in ways that the passive-aggressive cannot be held accountable.
Sarcasm; Pouting; Wasting someone’s time; Procrastination or inefficiency; Show concern but do nothing to help; Beat up your spouse with a credit card or any excessive spending; Find fault, innuendos, and disguised put-downs; Acting dumb when not, acting confused, refusing to learn; Disgruntled, whine and grumble about unfairness; to name a few.
COUNTERS TO PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS
- In general, bring to light the passive-aggressive’s hidden motives.
- “That sounds like a put down, did you mean it that way?”
- “You sound angry, are you?”
- “So you are saying that there is something special about you that causes others to treat you differently.”
- “I’m convinced that I cannot come up with a solution that you cannot find fault with.”
