THE SECURITY OF VALIDATING WHAT WE BELIEVE AND FEAR OF DOUBTING A BELIEF

Mark 9: 30-37

Jesus and his disciples went on from there and passed through Galilee.  He did not want anyone to know it; for he was teaching his disciple, saying to them, ‘The son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again.’  But they did not understand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him.  Then they came to Capernaum; and when he was in the house he asked them, ‘What were you arguing about on the way?’  But they were silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest.  He sat down, called the twelve and said to them, ‘Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all.’  Then he took a little child and put it among them; ‘Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me.’

Psychological Points

All of us will go to great lengths to validate a strongly held belief.  Our security rests on the premise that we know how the world works and how people behave.  We will validate a belief that we may hate.  For example, some believe they are unlovable and will treat others unkindly and in return are treated as unlikeable, much less unlovable.

The odds are that the disciples were faced with two opposing beliefs:  as number two below suggests, they learned early in life that human being don’t die, then rise later alive.  It may have been more of a feeling than a thought.  This belief may have conflicted with hearing from the ultimate authority, Jesus.  They escaped into denial and involved themselves in a distracting emotional discussion of who among them is the greatest.

How We Adopt the Beliefs and Values that Become the Core of Our Personal Reality

            It is important for the reader to understand how we assess reality.  Below are seven methods of the assessment process and individuals may favor one over the others are spread the testing of realty over several.

• Our five senses are our earliest method of testing our environment.  If we can taste it, smell it , touch it, hear it, or see it, it must be real.
• Also developing early in our lives is the emotion that a thing evokes in us.  If it feels either right or wrong, it must be.
• Intuition is a talent that some people have more than others do.  It may seems like it simply pops into our minds, but a more accurate picture would be like a giant supercomputer in our brain that processes lots of data unconsciously and produces an intuitive thought.
• Logical reasoning is subjecting our beliefs to a variety of intellectual tests to assess the voracity of the belief.
• Invention, made up reality, can become reality and shape beliefs.  I talked to a woman who grew up with horrible parenting and in poverty.  She invented a family by watching the Andy Griffith show.  Her beliefs about the world were shaped by her parenting by Andy and Aunt Bee.  Meeting her, no one would suspect the conditions of her actual upbringing.
• Relying on authority means that we rely on some credible (to us) resource outside of us to draw conclusions about what is real.  Our first authority are the adults in our family and many of our fundamental beliefs start within the family.
• Scientific method is a means of putting reality to a test.  We do not have to be scientists to do this.  We only have to make a prediction about an outcome of an action, in a particular situation, and the test the validity of that prediction.

Changing A Belief

             How do we change a belief?  The first requirement is that we must be convinced that continuing to act on the belief will not serve us well.  Further, we must make sure that we are totally fed up with the consequences of the behaviors generated by the belief.

            A second technique is to take the old belief into doubt.  We do this because moving from an unwanted belief to its opposite is often not a permanent change.  That is, we embrace the new desirable belief and smile at our success.  However, our new belief will not be 100% true.  We may find a flaw in the new belief or view a validation of the more established old belief and we run to the safety of the historical belief.

            To move the old belief into doubt seems to allow a more permanent adoption of the new belief when the shift is made in that direction.  We bring a belief into doubt by arguing both sides without a conclusion.  For example, Lena wanted to change her belief that men cannot be trusted.  Taking the attitude into doubt, she would say, “I know that it is ridiculous to adopt an absolute such as “all anything.”  But, look at my last live-in mate.  He was spending nights with me and bedding down this nurse most mornings.  She worked nights.  All of a sudden he started having early business breakfasts.  Yet, my best friend has been married for years and her husband treats like a queen.  Well, maybe she has not caught him—yet!  I have to remind myself that I dated a man who seemed trustworthy and I left him because be bored me.  But even he lied to me about liking my new haircut, and later told me the truth.”

            Another method of changing belief into doubt is to think of a belief that we once held but no longer believe (example, Santa Claus, or we have to hold someone’s hand when crossing the street.) and notice how you represent that belief in our mind and senses.  That is, the way you see it in your minds eye, feel about it, or hear it.  Now, create the belief that you want to change with that same way of representing it.

            Lena complained about the stress she felt in doing this exercise.  She reported an urge to favor one side over the other or to stop the process all together.  Fortunately, she persisted.

            The third step is to formulate a new belief.  Lena chose her new belief, “I will begin with trust in a new relationship until I have observable evidence of betrayal.  I will not react to rumor unless there is strong circumstantial evidence.  I won’t treat as serious, distortions that do no harm, such as compliments on my appearance that may not be totally honest.”

            Now, using one or more of the seven ways that we develop beliefs and values (sensory awareness, intuition, emotion, logic, invention, authority and scientific method) we look for flaws or truths in the new belief, and in the ways that we formulated the discarded belief.  Work toward disbelieving the old belief and reinforcing the new one.

            Finally, move that confidence into the new, desirable belief.  Once we adopt the new belief and prove it an advantage over the old, look for ways to validate it```.